


I had a dream (I got everything I wanted)

by SoftSapphic (Jazz4045)



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends to Lovers, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, They're switches your honor, and they were roomates, no beta we die like men, so much yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:28:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29932068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazz4045/pseuds/SoftSapphic
Summary: Adora had been asked out a couple times just this year alone and the girls had all been smart, beautiful, and on paper even good for her.Starla still stuck out in her mind. For all intents and purposes, she was perfect for her. They were both English majors. She got Adora’s dorky sense of humor. She was a good listener. She went out of her way to take care of Adora making sure she didn’t stress herself out to the point of passing out when she decided to take on almost a double course load sending her “take a break” reminder texts most of the semester. They even went to the same fucking horse camp growing up even though they never met while there. There was just one problem.There was always just one problem.Adora had been in love with Catra since one brown eye and one blue eye met her own in Kindergarten, offering her two broken crayons as she wailed long after Hope had dropped her off on the first day of school.orAdora has been in love with Catra their entire lives together. She was never going to tell her. Until she does.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 342





	I had a dream (I got everything I wanted)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic to see the light of day. I can't believe these lesbians dragged me back to fic but here I am. This fandom has given me so much joy over the last couple of months and I just wanted give some of it back. Enjoy and I'll see you at the end!

“You know Perfuma likes you, right?” Glim says popping another fry into her mouth as she smirks at Adora, eyes playful. Bow stifles a laugh next to her. Adora is sitting across from her, head resting lazily on Catra’s shoulder as they eat lunch. She raises her head to address Glimmer, the shoulder underneath her stiffening a bit.

“What?” She scoffs confusion clear on her face. Glimmer rolls her eyes at that.

“Come onnnn, Adora.” Glimmer says groaning.

“Adora, I forgot my notes again, do you think I could see yours after class?” Glimmer says, making her eyes big and batting her lashes.

Mermista, who has been sitting next to Bow and quiet during the exchange rolls her eyes too and in her usual monotone looks at Adora.

“Hate to break it to you Grayskull, but Glim is right. She’s totally into you.”

Adora feels her face heat up at that and is sure she is as red as the hoodie she’s wearing. She really hadn’t noticed. Adora was good at history, and Perfuma had come to her at the very beginning of class and started asking her for help. It was nothing major. Sometimes she’d stay with her after class to go over her notes or let her borrow her flashcards, none of it felt even remotely flirty. She had just been trying to help.

Catra had been quiet during the whole exchange and Adora looked at her to try to decipher the feelings on her face. Catra didn’t usually hesitate to give Adora shit for being her oblivious self but as she searched the blue and amber eyes for answers. Catra’s face remained expressionless, the tension still clear in her shoulders as she sat statue straight now.

It was earlier than she usually woke up. Barely even noon. On a normal Saturday, Catra would have just woken up. Adora had always been an early riser but on Saturday’s she let Catra keep her in their bed a little longer until Catra had enough energy to croak out for Adora to make coffee. Once they got out of the main dorms and into an unfurnished apartment on campus they hadn’t even bothered with two beds. Even when they had them, Catra would always end up in Adora’s, both of them squeezing into the tiny bed. 

When they had moved into the dorms Freshmen year, Catra had even demanded they get black-out curtains.

“Dorms are shitty as it is Adora. The last thing I need is the fucking sun waking me up any earlier than I have to be up.” She had grumbled. Adora had agreed. Most of Catra's art classes were at night, and she stayed up all hours in the studio or in their dorm with her head buried in her sketchbooks, sleeping most of the time in the day while Adora took her classes. 

But today Glimmer wanted the “Best Friend Squad” the name Bow had given them proudly all the way back in high school, to meet up at the Caf for lunch claiming that because of their packed schedules and varied majors, they never got to see each other anymore. 

Maybe she was just tired. 

Adora reached for her hand underneath the table and gave it a gentle squeeze.

_Are you okay_ it asks Catra squeezes back, but her fingers seem limp in Adora’s own. Adora grimaces but remembers the conversation at hand clearing her throat, a lump of anxiety already starting to form.

“Uh- I don’t know Glim- I mean she’s nice to everyone and she’s literally only ever asked me about the class,” Adora mumbles out, hands fidgeting with the white strings of her hoodie.

This doesn’t seem to deter Glimmer and her smirk only grows wider.

“Oh, Adora. Of course, she hasn’t said anything! She’s trying to feel you out. See if you like her back.” Glimmer says like it is obvious and Mermista nods along with her.

Adora starts to reply but Glimmer just keeps talking.

“You should ask her out!”

Adora feels her heartbeat pick up and her palms start to itch.

Even if Perfuma did like her (which she still didn’t really believe anyway) She would never ask her out.

Adora had been asked out a couple times just this year alone and the girls had all been smart, beautiful, and on paper even good for her.

Starla still stuck out in her mind. For all intents and purposes, she was perfect for her. They were both English majors. She got Adora’s dorky sense of humor. She was a good listener. She went out of her way to take care of Adora making sure she didn’t stress herself out to the point of passing out when she decided to take on almost a double course load sending her “take a break” reminder texts most of the semester. They even went to the same fucking horse camp growing up even though they never met while there. There was just one problem.

There was always just one problem.

Adora had been in love with Catra since one brown eye and one blue eye met her own in Kindergarten, offering her two broken crayons as she wailed long after Hope had dropped her off on the first day of school.

“Don’t cry.” Her small voice had said, reaching out to her with chubby fingers.

“Want to color?” She asked. Adora didn’t stop crying, but she blinked up at the girl with wet lashes and hot tears running down her little cheeks, her eyes meeting Catra’s heterochromatic gaze for the first time, and without any way to stop it, she felt her heart grow legs and make itself comfortable in Catra’s palms as she stared up at her in wonder.

Adora had thought about that moment a lot. Especially in high school when the feelings she had been hiding for years at that point bobbed on the surface of each of their conversations, threatening to spill any moment from Adora’s mouth basically any time they were alone.

If only they had met later.

She could’ve stopped it she thinks. Put distance between them. She would have had more defenses in place. She could’ve tried harder to be grateful for what they had and all the ways she _did_ get to have Catra.

No one knew Catra like Adora did. No one got to watch her paint or see her works in progress. No one knew that no matter how tough she acted still cried every single time they watched _Lilo and Stitch_ because found family just did her in every single time. No one else knew her favorite number. No one else knew that despite being Valedictorian and beating Adora out for it and getting a full ride to Brightmoon U _and_ Etheria Arts that Sharon Weaver’s words still had roots in Catra’s heart and she worked so hard because she thought she had something to prove. No one else knew that Adora always kept mint tea in their kitchen at all times despite hating it herself because making it for Catra after she had a nightmare was one of the only things that could soothe her back to sleep.

Adora _had_ Catra. In so many ways, Adora had always had Catra. Adora was grateful, but Adora was also greedy. 

And more than anything else, Adora was resigned to this longing that had been there as long as she could remember. There was no room for anyone else. To even try to be with someone else would just be cruel.

Adora knew she had spiraled too long into her thoughts when Catra was now looking at her with worried eyes, one hand stroking up and down her thigh, and Glimmer also looking at her expectantly.

“C’monnnn Adora! Perfuma is so cool. She’s hot, you’re hot, you’d be hot together, and you don’t have a date to bring to my birthday party yet!” She continued

Right. Glimmer's birthday party was… an event. Every year she had it at her parent's house. Angella and Micah went all out every single year for their only daughter. Hundreds of people always came and each year seemed to top the last. It was always so much fun but Adora hadn’t even thought about a date, she always just went with everyone else, and even last year when everyone was paired off and Mermista went with her boyfriend not boyfriend she just went with Catra.

Adora shook her head. “Yeah I-I know but—”

“But what? You don’t ever date Adora and I know, I know, you’re busy with school but seriously there is more to life than just burying yourself in work! How long are you going to keep yourself from living your life because you’re too busy or too tired or too whatever!” Glimmer said animatedly. Glimmer _oozed_ motivation and inspiration. She was a ray of positive but still kick your ass into gear sunshine almost as bright as her signature pink hair and Adora loved her for it. But she seriously could not do this today.

Adora’s eyes begin to fill with traitorous tears. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why was this affecting her so much? This was just Glimmer being Glimmer. Hell, Starla had been _her_ idea. She was always trying to fix her up with any single and attractive lesbian she knew. She was thinking about just agreeing so Glimmer would let it go when Bow and Catra spoke at the same time.

“Glim I think maybe you should let Adora-“ Bow started,

“Can you just fucking drop it Sparkles?” Catra said roughly, everyone turned to look at her now, her eyes blazing, hands balled into fists at her sides.

She must have sensed Adora’s distress.

“I was only trying to help Catra you don’t have to be such a brat” Glimmer huffed out.

“Yeah, and you don’t have to stick your nose in everyone else’s fucking business” Catra spit back. Adora’s head began to spin. Why was she so angry? She’d been so quiet the whole time and now was basically ready to bite Glimmer's head off. They were always kind of like this, jeering and mean but in a fun way with each other but not like _this_. Clearly, Adora had missed something.

“Catra” Adora warned lowly.

“You know what, it’s too fucking early for this. I’m going back to the apartment.” Catra said grabbing her bag off the floor next to her and roughly walking out, pushing the door wide open as she went. The slam shut echoed throughout the mostly empty room.

“Well, this was fun,” Mermista said sarcastically though it sounded almost indistinguishable from her normal tone.

“Ugh, that’s just Catra.” Glimmer says sighing deeply. “I meditated this morning though, and I am not letting her fuck with my vibes. Plus, the full moon is in Scorpio, I should’ve seen this coming.” She said. Adora stared at her blankly.

Glimmer rolls her eyes again “Catra’s a triple Scorpio Adora.” she says as if that should mean something to Adora.

“Right. I’m going to check on her.” Adora says getting the fuck out of there as fast as humanely possible. As she sped away she hears Glimmer yell: “Just think about it!” 

Alone finally, Adora sighs again. She _had_ thought about it. Not with Perfuma, but she had thought about what it might be like to be with someone else. Maybe it would even be fun. Maybe over time, she could grow to love someone else and they could build a routine together. 

But she didn’t want someone else.

Adora tried not to want things in general and for the most part, never asked anyone for anything even if it was to her own detriment. She had Hope to blame for that. Hope and the years she spent in her big white house that was always so clean it was basically sterile.

Adora was seven when she learned that lesson for the first time. That her heart and what it wanted didn’t matter. Not really.

Hope had bent down to her level as Adora cried.

“I wanted to be there for Catra!” She said between tiny little hiccups. It had been Catra’s first big ballet recital. She had been moved up in her classes and although she was one of the youngest now, she was still one of the best. Even if Catra had said it was okay that she would miss it, she knew Catra was disappointed. She had begged and begged Hope to let her go but she was unmoved. Sundays were for her extra tutoring. Adora wasn’t behind, not even close, she was actually well above most of the students in her class, but that still wasn’t enough for Hope.

She made sure Adora had a full schedule. Soccer every day after school, and extra tutors on the weekends. She wanted Adora to not only be good but great. She never hesitated to remind Adora that because of Hope’s generosity she had opportunities now, and it was up to her to not waste them.

It didn’t matter what else was happening, or how Adora felt, she was expected to be ready at 9:00AM sharp and occupied until 6:00PM that evening.

“I don’t care what you wanted Adora, how you behaved was unacceptable.” Hope said lowly, controlled. Hope never yelled. She guilted, she admonished, she manipulated, but she never yelled. As Adora got older, she almost wished Hope would yell at her. Maybe even hit her. Anything but the controlled and calculating way she had of getting into Adora’s head and making her feel so much guilt she ended up punishing herself on Hope’s behalf.

“I’m sorry I just-“ Adora knew she had been distracted, she knew she had been caught not paying attention more than once but she couldn’t help it. All she wanted was to be there watching Catra effortlessly glide through the air, see the glitter on her skin sparkle under the lights, watch her twirl prettily in her pink shoes.

“Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you want Adora. It matters what you have _committed_ yourself to. You have committed yourself to this family, right? Well, this family is successful. It’s not enough to just be good when with a little more effort you can be the best. You got it?” She asked. Adora felt the guilt settle over and it made her feel sick to her stomach.

“You’re right Mom, I’m sorry.” She called Hope “Mom” because she had asked her to, despite only being adopted a little over two years ago now. It still felt uncomfortable in her mouth. Hope had patted her head and sent her to her room after that, and Adora had sat in her bed staring at her purple walls, no more tears left in her to release.

Adora had _committed_ herself to Catra. She had a duty to her because in all the ways that mattered, Catra was her family. She was devoted to this, to _them_ , and even though with each passing day the love she felt never grew smaller, It did not matter what she _wanted_ , it wasn’t worth risking everything.

It had always been them against the world. They were the only family they had, both adopted by people who were supposed to give them a family but only gave them more shit to work through.

She was not going to fuck everything up because she couldn’t control herself. Adora was solid in what they had with each other. It was sturdier than just friendship and sturdier than romance. It was something else entirely. They had shared their whole lives together. There were almost no memories she had that didn’t have Catra in them. She was not going to fuck it up by asking for more when she already had so much. 

Adora made her way to their apartment, opening the door carefully. They had one of the nicer ones now that they weren’t freshmen, it even had its own kitchen with a real stove in it. Adora put her keys on the counter and searched the living room, finding nothing but Catra’s black boots she must’ve abandoned before going to their room. She made her way down the small hallway and knocked gently.

“Can I come in?” Adora asked quietly but only silence met her. Adora sighed, if Catra really didn’t want her there she would’ve made it loud and clear, so she pushed the door open anyway just peeking in at first.

Catra was curled up on her side of their bed scrolling on her phone. Adora padded over softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Adora started

Catra sighed and locked her phone tossing it next to her. She shifted under the covers to face her, eyes almost glowing in the low light of their room thanks to the blackout curtains.

“What is there to talk about?” She said huffing, Adora frowned. So she was in that kind of mood then. Maybe Glimmer was onto to something about the moon.

“You were upset earlier,” Adora says simply. Catra sighs again.

“Yeah, because Glimmer is fucking annoying,” Catra says almost growling. 

“Gimmer was being Glimmer, but she means well,” Adora says, this doesn’t make Catra feel any better because she rolls away now. Adora stares patiently at her back waiting for her to speak again.

“I’m fine Adora. I’m just tired.” Adora nods at this even though she can’t see her. It’s true that normally Catra would be asleep right now.

It’s quiet for a while. Adora staring at Catra’s back while Catra stares at the wall.

“Nap with me?” She asks softly. Normally, Adora would put up more of a fight knowing that this is going to fuck with her sleep schedule and keep her up late but she can sense Catra needs this and honestly, she does too. So she crawls into bed next to her, as Catra scoots back into Adora’s frame, one of her arms draping loosely over Catra’s waist. They have always been affectionate, figuring out as teens that it helped Catra keep the nightmares at bay if she was being held.

All she can hear is the quiet sounds of Catra’s breathing and her own heartbeat and before long she has drifted off to sleep.

* * *

When Adora wakes up, she can smell that Catra is already cooking. She focuses on the smells coming from the kitchen. _Stirfry_ she thinks. She stretches her legs now and regrets falling asleep in her jeans because now they stick uncomfortably to her skin. She scoots to the edge of the bed and sits up still feeling groggy from the way too long nap.

They must have slept for at least five hours if Catra is making _dinner_.

Adora really is going to be up all night. Sighing, she makes her way into the living room as Catra is putting their stirfry into two white bowls. Grabbing forks she makes her way to the couch and Adora follows. They plop down with their food and Adora switches the T.V. on.

“Netflix?” Adora asks

Catra just shrugs, and Adora knows sometimes it can take Catra time to open up about something. She’d learned the hard way over the years that the best thing to do when Catra wasn’t ready to talk was to give her space. Catra trusted Adora and would talk when she was ready. 

Adora chose a random movie for background noise as they ate their stirfry in silence. When they were done Adora gathered their bowls and put them in the sink. On her way back to the couch she grabbed their biggest and fluffiest blanket from their hall closet and made her way back to the couch. Arranging herself against the arm of the couch, she looked at Catra and motioned for her to settle in her arms. Catra did without a word, snuggling under the blanket, with her head on Adora’s chest, both their legs outstretched.

For a while it was quiet. The TV the only noise as Catra settled further into Adora’s arms.

“Adora?” Catra questioned finally, looking up at her. Adora met her gaze, her eyes soft.

“Yeah?” She responded a little on edge now. Catra looked nervous. Catra _never_ looked nervous. Adora had gotten a lot better about jumping to conclusions before someone could even clarify what they meant but she couldn’t help the small lump forming in her throat at Catra’s gaze.

“Do you want to go out with Perfuma?” She asks finally. _Okay_. Adora was not expecting that. A small crease forms between her brows.

“No.” She says simply, waiting for Catra to continue but instead, she asks another question.

“Why not?” Adora shifts to sit up more and Catra moves with her, her eyes still piercing into Adora’s. Adora feels panic start to rise in her chest. Where was Catra going with this?

“Because I don’t see her that way. Also, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even like me. Glimmer thinks every single lesbian we encounter is hitting on me.” Catra rolls her eyes at that.

“Sparkles is right about that, Princess. She likes you. I saw her practically drooling over your arms when I met you guys in the library last week.” Catra says and Adora balks. Was she? Adora tries to think back to that day but she can’t remember anything Perfuma had said once Catra had gotten there _wearing her jacket_. Ugh. Seeing that had wrecked Adora and she struggled to get just one of her brain cells to work after that. She remembers sharing her notes, she even remembers them quizzing each other, but other than that she can’t remember anything else.

“Well, even if that’s true, I’m not interested.” Adora tries to say with finality, hoping desperately they can change the subject.

Catra sits up now to face Adora, those eyes still holding Adora’s hostage.

“Have you ever been?” She asks, something unreadable in her tone. Adora feels her eyebrows draw in as she frowns in confusion.

“Have I ever been what?” She asks slowly

“Interested,” Catra says, Adora is still confused as to what is going on and what Catra is trying to get at here.

“Interested in Perfuma?” Adora tries to clarify, but Catra just sighs again.

“Interested in anyone,” Catra says now. Adora feels her heart drop through to her stomach. Fuck. Adora thinks about lying. She thinks long and hard about lying. It would be so easy. She could just say no, and this whole thing would be over. She feels her palms start to sweat. She’s thought about a moment like this before and promised herself that if Catra ever asked, she would tell her the truth no matter how badly she wanted to lie. She knew how Catra felt about lying, and she knew they would never recover from a lie like that. So Adora gathers as much courage as she can find and finally says:

“Yes.” Catra’s eyes widen at that and Adora waits for what she knows will come next.

“Who was it?” Catra whispers and Adora feels heat rise to her face. Fear runs through every part of her body and she feels sick to her stomach at that. She knows she can’t lie, but she also can’t do whatever the fuck this is.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore” She replies turning off the TV and starting to sit up more but Catra just follows her getting even closer. Adora feels her heartbeat pounding in her ears like a roar and she’s starting to feel a little bit dizzy.

“Why not?” Catra asks softly and Adora feels tears start to brim in her eyes for what feels like the hundredth time today. She can’t do this. She can’t tell her. Not now and not like this. She can’t say it because once she says it, she can’t _unsay_ it. Whatever dam has been holding everything she has never said out loud back will break and drown them both.

She’d pictured this moment so many times. Catra finally finding out the thing she has tried so desperately to hide their whole lives together. When she was younger she used to imagine Catra recoiling in disgust but she knows now that Catra would never do that to her. She would let her down easy. She would let her know that it was okay that Adora felt that way, but she didn’t return those feelings. Maybe she’d even offer to help her get over it, make some kind of joke about helping her get laid.

“Why not?” Catra asks again softly, reaching her hand out to stroke Adora’s wet cheek. Adora looks at her now, eyes open and vulnerable. She feels the fortress she has built begin to crumble and before she can stop it, she looks right at Catra filling her eyes with everything she can’t say and Catra’s own eyes widen at what she sees there. 

Shame fills Adora. She knows that Catra knows now. She pulls away from Catra’s hand, burying her face in her own trying to muffle the sob that is threatening to escape.

She has ruined this.

Ruined them.

Ruined everything with her stupid, selfish want. With her stupid, selfish heart.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Catra asks her own voice just a whisper now. She tugs Adora’s hands trying to get her to look at her, but Adora stays there, only crying harder at that.

When Adora finally looks at her, she laughs dryly, the crying making her voice rough and shaky.

“Tell you what Catra? That I’ve been in love with you since I was five years old? Tell you that I have never, not even for a second, been interested in anyone except for you?” Adora chokes out, Catra gasps softly at that.

“Adora-“ She starts but Adora laughs dryly at that now. She knows what happens next. She has replayed this part a thousand times and even though she knows what Catra is going to say now that she is here, finally living through this moment, she can’t hear her say it. It hurts too bad.

“Please don’t Catra. You don’t need to let me down easy. I know okay?” Adora says quietly, and since the start of this conversation Catra looks angry

“What do you think you know Adora? Do I even get a say in how I feel?” Catra asks, and even like this as her entire world folds in and falls apart, Adora can’t help but stare at how beautiful she is. Her long brown curls are messy after nuzzling into Adora and she is wearing Adora’s old softball jersey from high school and biker shorts, her own skin is flushed and her eyes fixed on Adora, arms crossed over her chest.

“That you don’t want me like that. Not like I want you.” Adora says softer now. She can’t bear to keep looking at Catra, so she looks down at her hands. She doesn’t know where this is going but surely Catra wouldn’t just abandon her right? Catra would probably want some distance, and that’s fair. They would get separate beds. Maybe even when the semester was over apply for a two-bedroom apartment. Cuddling would probably be off the table too, but she could still be there for Catra. In whatever way, she would let her. One of Catra’s hands took Adora’s hand, and the other lifted her chin slowly so Adora would look at her.

“You’re wrong.” She says quietly eyes boring into Adora’s own blue pools, and Adora tumbles the words around in her head. She tries to reshape them into something that makes sense, but Catra’s soft voice just echoes in her ears over and over, low and raspy. She was wrong? She can feel the embers of hope start to spark in her chest and she snuffs them out brutally. She didn’t know what Catra meant, but she needed to _ask_. Because if she let herself hope if she let herself think that Catra might mean what she thinks she means and she turned her down- Adora wouldn’t survive it.

The question dies on her lips though because before Adora can even speak, Catra is leaning in and brushing her soft lips over Adora’s. 

Adora doesn’t move at first, too stunned that this is actually happening but as Catra’s mouth keeps moving softly against hers she wills herself to kiss her back even though she feels like she might pass out. It is slow and tentative and before she can even grasp that this is actually happening it’s over and Catra is backing up, their foreheads still pressed together.

Adora’s body feels like it has electricity running through it. The embers of hope in her chest are now fully grown roaring flames licking at her insides and burning through any resolve she had left. 

Catra _kissed_ her.

Catra kissed her. She would never be able to recover from a kiss. If Catra didn’t want her, she would never be able to forget what her mouth felt like on hers.

“I’m sorry I should’ve asked, I just- ” Catra starts backing up now to look at Adora, her own eyes wide and nervous, Adora wants to reach out and rub soothing circles on her hand with her thumb but she can’t move, she is frozen in place. Catra _kissed_ her.

“I didn’t know.” She finally finishes. Adora doesn’t know what to make of that and doesn’t hide the confusion on her face. Catra takes a shaky breath and when she finally speaks again, Adora can feel herself trembling.

“I love you too, Adora.” She says and Adora feels like she might just die right here, just like this, on her couch, of spontaneous combustion. 

Adora had prepared for the worst. For years she had imagined being found out and all the ways this scenario could play out. If Catra would leave her completely if Catra would make her move out but let her remain her friend if Catra would be kind but firm in her rejection.

Adora had not prepared for this. Not even in her most indulgent fantasies, had she been prepared for this.

“Say it again,” Adora said, desperate to hear it again, desperate to know what she was hearing was real.

“I love you too. I love you like you love me.” Catra says again, more sure this time, her voice thick with emotion. She moves closer to Adora again, their breath mingling and their lips almost touching.

“Again,” Adora whispers.

“I love you.” Catra replies and Adora whines at that, closing the distance between their lips. The kiss is bruising, filled with heat and years of longing between them. Catra’s tongue touches Adora’s bottom lip asking for permission and Adora can’t help the small sounds that escape from the back of her throat, eager, and wanting as Catra licks into her mouth.

Adora feels like she has left this plane of existence and has ascended to some strange world where she gets to kiss Catra, touch her, love her, maybe even _have_ her. Have her for real. That thought is enough to send Adora’s thoughts spinning and she feels breathless and hazy with how much she _wants_ \- how much she has always wanted this. 

The desire unfurls slowly throughout her body, uncurling and taking up every inch of empty space inside her until there is nothing left. She tries to pull back, they need to talk about this, and she has so many questions, but Catra’s mouth is still moving with hers making it hard to think about anything except her soft tongue in her mouth. One of her hands comes up to stroke into Adora’s hair and goosebumps break out over her flesh and a choked sound escapes from her mouth and Catra _moans_ at that _,_ a sound that goes straight to between Adora’s legs.

Fuck, if she wants to stop this she needs to stop this now because if it keeps going this way Adora is never going to be able to pull herself away. She can feel warmth low in her belly and it shouldn’t be possible to be flustered from just kissing but Adora’s skin feels on fire.

She pulls back, both of them breathing heavy. Adora looks at Catra’s swollen pink kissed lips and she feels her resolve start to wobble. Why did she want to talk again?

Right, because Catra had said she loved her. And as much as she wanted to keep doing this, and so much more than this, she needed to figure out what _this_ even was.

“When?” Adora asks simply and at first Catra looks at her confused but she sees the realization of what Adora is asking dawn on her face. She looks nervous again.

“I- I don’t know.” She says honestly “Always I think. I don’t remember what it was like to not love you” She says quietly, and Adora nods at this but Catra continues.

“You were always everything Adora. You never left me not even when—When Sharon—” She pauses there, and Adora finds whatever sense she has left and reached out to grab Catra’s hand. They don’t talk about Sharon because it’s hard for Catra and honestly, there isn’t anything to talk about. Adora had been there, and what Adora hadn’t been there for, she witnessed the aftermath of. She spent more nights than she could count on the phone with Catra just so she wouldn’t have to sleep alone while Sharon was off doing who knows what or on the rare nights they could have sleepovers, holding her close after the nightmares would dissolve Catra into whole body sobs. Nightmares of the very real-life pain Sharon put her through.

Catra looks down at their hands and takes another breath before starting again.

“All you ever did was protect me. All you ever did was help me through my bullshit. And I— I had nothing to offer you. Not now. Not yet. I think I think I always knew but once I couldn’t deny it anymore I made a plan.” She says quietly. Adora feels her heartbeat pick up again at that. A plan?

“What—what kind of plan?” Adora asks and Catra smiles softly at that.

“I was going to tell you, Adora. I didn’t know if you would feel the same. Fuck, I was pretty sure you _didn’t_ feel the same but I had to try. I was going to tell you when we graduated and had moved into our own apartment like we always planned.” Catra says and Adora is breathless at that but Catra goes on.

“I wanted to be stable first,” Catra says quietly “I wanted to be able to offer you something. I wanted to be able to build a life with you.” Adora gets it. Sharon had drilled into Catra’s head that she would amount to nothing. The only thing she had ever praised Catra for was her performance in school. She got A’s effortlessly and was especially gifted at math. So when Catra chose to pursue art seriously, she was livid. 

Adora remembered how she had berated her about throwing her future away and that she was stupid for ever thinking she could make a living being an artist. That’s why Catra worked so hard. That’s why Catra had already had her art in two galleries before she was even a junior. That’s why Catra spent hours, sometimes even whole days in the studio only eating and drinking because Adora would drop by with food and water and practically force-feed her. Adora understood it, even if she thought it was ridiculous. Catra had always been enough for Adora. She didn’t need to do anything. She didn’t need to take care of her, because they took care of each other. For everything Adora gave, Catra gave just as much. She never gave herself enough credit.

“But then fucking Sparkles—and I know she didn’t know because she’s just as much of an idiot as you are but—kept trying to set you up and I get it, you’re a fucking catch and I wanted you to be happy too but I still couldn’t help being so fucking jealous. Even if it wasn’t fair to want you to wait, especially when I was pretty sure I was fucking deluding myself into thinking you were ever going to feel the same.” She laughs dryly at that and Adora grimaces. 

How could Catra not see how much Adora loved her, had always loved her? She thought she’d been obvious, but apparently not. She would have to fix that. She never wanted Catra to doubt it again.

“Then today with Perfuma—I just, I had to know. Because if you liked her, I was going to try and let this shit go and be a good friend to you.” She finishes, and Adora feels like she has had the wind knocked out of her as the words settle over her. Catra had a plan. Catra had always felt the same, and she was going to tell her. Adora feels her stomach turn at that. If Catra hadn’t asked, Adora probably would have never told her. She would’ve hidden it all their lives because she was too much of a coward to come clean. Catra had always been the brave one though, she wasn’t shocked she still was even in the middle of this new strange world they found themselves in.

“Wait— were you jealous of the Perfuma thing? Is that why you asked?” Adora asks and Catra flushes at that. Holy shit, she _was_ jealous, Adora can’t help the grin that grows on her face. Partly because Catra is so cute when she starts to turn red like this and partly because the idea of Catra ever having competition when it came to Adora’s affection was laughable. 

“Yeah, I was.” Catra grunts out “I would get jealous all the time. That’s not _new_. But I don’t usually have to see so much of it _._ She was eye-fucking you the entire time at the library. And then today, I could tell you were nervous and I thought you were embarrassed because Glimmer was right and you _did_ like her but you were being your normal idiot self about it.” she finishes and Adora feels herself smile again at that.

“I didn’t notice she was eye-fucking me because I was too busy looking at you _in my jacket_. I thought I was going to explode right there when you walked in wearing it. Usually, you only wear my clothes to sleep. I don’t even remember what we talked about the rest of the night.” Adora laughs and Catra flushes again at that.

“It was laundry day and I was cold” She mumbles out not at all looking sorry about it, but mildly embarrassed. The expression didn’t last long though and the teasing smirk was back on her face.

“You like seeing me in your clothes princess?” Catra asks, mismatched eyes dancing with mirth, and Adora groans at that, not even trying to hide the effect she had on her, that she had always had on her.

“Yeah, I really do,” Adora says entirely too breathy but she can’t help it, it _does_ things to her. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Catra says, her grin teasing and fond and before Adora can retort Catra is leaning in again, her chest pressed up against Adora’s now and she can feel the heat of her through her shirt. Fuck, she’s not wearing a bra.

“I’m glad you stopped us, and I’m glad we talked, but can I kiss you again now?” Catra asks low and raspy and filled with heat and Adora feels the throb between her legs pulse at that. She nods quickly because yes, God please she wants nothing more than to kiss Catra over and over until she forgets her own name. Catra pushes her back and into the corner of the couch and straddles her hips and then her lips on hers again, needy and hot. Adora can’t help the moan that escapes because Catra kisses her with purpose this time and she can feel her body start to react to Catra’s attention.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do this?” Catra asks pulling back to trail kisses down her jaw and making her way down her throat to press more kisses down the length of Adora’s neck. Catra nips at her pulse point and Adora moans again, embarrassingly loud this time, and feels the heat rise to her cheeks. Catra looks up at her and smirks.

“I like your pretty sounds, Princess,” she says and Adora is going to die right here, she is sure of it. Catra has been calling her Princess since they were nine but she has never called her princess-like this, in that voice, with sex dripping from each syllable. Adora feels how wet she is getting and should be embarrassed because they haven’t even done anything yet but Catra has been the star of all of Adora’s dirty fantasies since puberty and fuck if the real thing in front of her is so much better than she could have ever imagined.

Catra kisses down her neck some more and trails her hands to the hem of Adora’s shirt.

“Can I take this off?” She asks somewhat nervous but Adora nods quickly and once her shirt is thrown somewhere on the floor she’s in nothing but her gray sports bra. Catra trails a finger underneath one of the thick straps.

“This too?” Catra asks, more nervous this time and Adora knows what she is asking. If she said no, Catra would stop right here no questions asked and they’d probably go back to cuddling and maybe watch another movie. But Adora wants this, has always wanted this, and even though she’s scared she wants to keep going.

Adora nods feeling shy all of a sudden as Catra lifts her sports bra over her head and flings it to join her shirt somewhere. She knows she is blushing all the way down her chest as Catra’s eyes roam over her. Her gaze is hungry and almost _reverent_ as she drinks in the sight of her. Adora resists the urge to cross her arms over herself and hide because more than she is worried about not being enough, she really, really wants Catra to see her. To like what she sees.

“Holy shit.” Catra whispers and Adora giggles at that. Catra is the one turning red this time but reaches out to palm both of Adora’s tits and rub her thumbs over Adora’s nipples. It is light, exploratory, but Adora still groans at the contact low and rough from the sensation.

“You have amazing tits Princess,” Catra says almost sounding in awe and Adora can’t help but laugh a little at that. The nerves aren’t gone but they are fading as Catra continues to stare with that awestruck expression and tease her thumbs over Adora’s sensitive skin.

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Adora says, she tries to sound teasing but she knows it just comes out breathy and high but she needs to see Catra too.

Catra grins at her and gives her a smirk before reaching for the hem of the shirt and pulling Adora’s shirt over her head and tossing it to the ground to join the other clothes. Catra’s smirk is teasing but as she sits in front of Adora her chest bare now, Adora can see in her eyes that she is nervous too.

“You’re beautiful, Catra.” Adora whispers and she really is. She reaches out to perfect freckled tan skin and brushes her fingertips over her collarbones, in between the valley of her breasts, and finally pauses at the bottom of each breast and cups them both in her hands. She is so soft, and Adora can’t help staring at her own hands as she palms her chest with the gentlest of touches. Catra groans at that and Adora can’t help the small gasp she makes as she looks up at Catra’s face again.

She finds Catra smiling at her, eyes softer than she has ever seen them. Catra places her own hands on top of Adora’s now and presses Adora’s hands harder into her chest.

“You can touch Adora. I want you to.” Catra whispers and Adora feels something inside of her give way as she feels the full force of the longing between them hit her. She doesn’t really know what she’s doing, but she wants to touch, she wants to lick, to bite, to _claim_ , to convince herself that what is happening is real and won’t disappear when whatever magic is occurring has disappeared.

With Catra’s encouragement, she lets her hands drop to Catra’s hips and grips them pulling her even closer as Adora begins to place kisses on each of her collar bones, trailing them hot and wet down to Catra’s breasts. She hears Catra’s breathing stutter above her as she takes a nipple into her mouth. Catra moans out loud at that, high and needy and Adora knows she is already addicted to the sound and will do whatever it takes to keep Catra making them.

She sucks a little laving her tongue over the hard peak and groans into Catra’s chest.

The sensation must feel good because Catra moans louder now, bucking her hips against Adora’s and Adora feels her own need pulse like a second heartbeat between her legs. She shifts her attention to the other nipple, wanting to lavish Catra in attention, and starts to kiss lower. Their position won’t help Adora do what she wants to do, so she lays Catra on her back and with her stretched out now, makes herself comfortable between her legs. She shifts up to begin kissing down Catra’s stomach pausing to place little kisses around Catra’s belly button which makes them both giggle until she reaches the band of Catra’s shorts and looks up questioningly.

Catra’s pupils are blown and her lips are parted as she breathes heavy. Her curls are even messier now and she is the most beautiful thing Adora has ever seen. She nods and Adora places one more kiss over one of the freckles on Catra’s stomach before she is tugging the shorts and underwear down Catra’s perfect legs and throwing them down on their ever-growing pile of clothes. Adora knows she probably looks like an idiot gaping at her like this but the glistening slick between Catra’s legs melts what’s left of Adora’s brain. She looks and see’s that Catra’s eyes are nervous and that’s enough to override the horny mess of Adora’s thoughts to reassure her.

“You’re so pretty Catra.” Adora whispers and she sees the words relax Catra as she lets out a little sound at the praise. Adora dips her head down and presses a kiss to the soft hair on Catra’s mound and lets her tongue dip slowly down into Catra’s slick folds. 

“Fuck” Catra curses as Adora grips her thighs now, holding them open as she continues to explore between her legs. She runs her tongue all the way up her slit tentatively, gathering her slick on her tongue and using her lips to create suction around her clit.

“Adora” Catra moans and Adora feels herself _drip_ at the sound of her moaning her name. The room is full of their wet lewd sounds and Adora thinks she could come from just getting to eat Catra out, the need between her own legs throbbing and approaching a crescendo even though Adora hasn’t even been touched yet.

“You taste so good Catra.” Adora says not even trying to talk dirty really—Adora wasn’t even sure she could pull that off but saying it because it was _true_ . She did taste good. Kind of salty but musky, with tones of something else she couldn’t quite name but what she thought maybe was just _Catra_. It hit her suddenly that she had time to find out. Catra loved her, and even though they hadn’t talked about what that meant for their relationship going forward, Adora was pretty sure she’d get to do this again which was an intoxicating thought.

Adora let her tongue start to push against Catra’s entrance and Catra let out what could be described as a keening noise at the movement. Fuck, she seemed to _really_ like that, so Adora continues to tease her entrance and then begins to lick inside her, fucking her with her tongue. She tries to keep an even pace, adjusting her movements when Catra lets out a particularly loud moan or bucks her hips.

“Adora, yes, please, please—” Catra begs and weaves her hands through Adora’s hair and kind of pulls. Adora moans low and deep at that straight into Catra’s pussy which just makes Catra moan even louder. It didn’t hurt really, but the sting of it plus the taste of Catra and the wild way she was grinding on Adora’s face is driving Adora up the wall and she is positive she has never been so turned on in her entire life. Adora keeps up the pace, switching between short flicks on her clit and then sucking, and pushing her tongue inside her. It isn’t long until Catra’s entire frame goes tense and then loosens as she lets out a long moan.

“Adora” She whispers and Adora continues to keep her movements soft as she works Catra through the rest of her orgasm. Adora is hypnotized. Watching Catra fall apart underneath her, because of her, has convinced Adora she could spend hours between her legs continuing to coax those delicious sounds out of her mouth and feeling her warm slick coat her lips. 

She has no idea how they’re ever going to do anything but this.

Catra looks like she feels the same way as she stares down at Adora who is still leaving kisses on each of her thighs. Adora looks up at her, blue and amber eyes shimmering.

“Come here,” Catra says reaching down for her and Adora and Adora complies, scooting up between Catra’s legs to rest on her bare chest. Catra looks down at Adora with so much tenderness that it makes Adora ache. She has seen this look before she realizes. Now the look has a name: Love. Catra loved her. Had always loved her. She was such an idiot.

“I can’t believe we could’ve been doing that the whole time” Catra laughs, voice still kind of wrecked, but she looks so happy and Adora can’t believe something she did could cause her to look like this. 

For a while, they don’t say anything. Catra strokes through Adora’s hair, while she catches her breath and Adora, luxuriates in the feeling of Catra’s bare skin under her cheek. She has laid like this with her before of course— as kids, they definitely touched way more than what was probably normal for best friends who aren’t hopelessly in love with each other, but never like this. Not just naked but free of the heaviness in the air that was thick with the things both of them couldn’t bring themselves to say.

Now that the weight is gone she doesn’t know how she ever lived with it to begin with.

Catra looks down at her now and her slow almost sleepy smile has turned into a smirk

“So, your turn Princess?” Catra asks and Adora feels herself flush at how her voice has already lowered but also at the prospect of her finding out just how turned on Adora is.

She is _soaked_ and even with the small break seconds away from coming.

“Uh-y-yeah” Adora manages and Catra’s eyes widen in concern at her hesitation.

“Hey, Adora, we don’t have to baby. If it’s too much tonight that that's okay” She says, her hand now rubbing soothing circles on her back. Adora short circuits at the causal use of baby because _wow_ , and tries to express what she wants to say without actually saying it.

“No, no, it’s not. I want you to. It’s just— I—well” Adora trails off and Catra’s concern has softened at her reassurance but she is still very clearly confused.

“You…” Catra prompts and Adora sighs. This is embarrassing but she doesn’t want Catra to get the wrong idea because she definitely wants to. God does she want to.

“I’m just like already really close.” Adora rushes out “I wouldn’t last long. I almost finished just seeing you like that.” Adora admits shyly and Catra’s features settle finally. 

She looks thoughtful for a second and then she smiles, eyes already darkening with lust. The look she gives Adora is so filthy she hears a small whimper escape her throat.

“ _So_? Who says you’re only gonna come once?” Catra says possessive and smug and fuck,Adora feels her clit actually fucking twitch.

Catra repositions them and strips Adora of her shorts and underwear. This time Adora is on her back and Catra is above her, pressing hot kisses into Adora’s neck, her thigh slotted between Adora’s own.

“Oh Princess, you’re so _wet.”_ She says and all Adora can do is whimper and nod because she’s pretty sure she’s passed the ability to say anything intelligible. Catra continues to kiss down her neck, stopping to graze her pulse point with her teeth as she presses her thigh right against Adora’s pussy. Her hips jerk at the action, desperately seeking more of the friction as she moans high and needy. Her eyes clenched shut as she bucks her hips up to the firm smooth plane of Catra’s thigh.

“Look at me, baby. I want to see your pretty face when you come for me.” She whispers and continues to push the flat of her thigh into Adora. Adora’s own eyes open to stare into Catra’s and the heat she sees there takes her higher. It shouldn’t be enough but she knows she’s close. The friction is heavenly and Adora grinds up to meet her every thrust, grinding her wet slit into Catra’s firm thigh until she sees stars and moans long and low as her body shakes with the force of her orgasm.

“That’s it, Princess, such a good girl coming for me,” Catra says and Adora whimpers at the praise.

“Do you like that? Being called a good girl?” Catra asks as Adora comes back to herself. She feels her cheeks heat even though she just came all over Catra’s thigh but feels herself nod.

“Good girl. Thank you for telling me.” Catra praises, bending down to kiss her forehead, her cheeks, and finally her lips. The kiss is slow and deep building the heat between Adora’s thighs again quickly. Catra bites at her bottom lip and Adora moans into her mouth. She can feel Catra’s lips turn into a smile against her at that.

“So needy. Ready for round two?” Catra teases and Adora nods way too fast which just causes Catra to chuckle again. She’d probably be more embarrassed if she wasn’t so desperate for it.

“Do you want my mouth or my fingers first, Princess?” Adora tries not to drool at her question and the implication that she might have _both_ she just had to pick which one first.

“Fingers. I want to feel you inside me.” She manages to say breathily and Catra nods her assurance as she trails her hand down to Adora’s soft curls and then between Adora’s swollen lips. They both moan at the contact.

“Catra” Adora moans. She is on a hair-trigger still sensitive from her first orgasm but already desperate for another.

“Fuck, you feel so good Adora” Catra groans out and Adora is beyond any rational thought at this point. She feels completely undone _._ She knows what it’s like to _want_ — she has wanted Catra in ways that made her feel ashamed and guilty and _stupid_ their entire lives together. She is aware of how want is heavy and burdensome and relentless _._ How it burned her from the inside out.

She spent so much of her time trying to make the ache bearable. How to live around the desire that took up so much space inside her.

But in this moment she allows herself to wantand to have, to surrender to the heat of her desire that has threatened to burn her up every time Catra so much as smiled at her in that way she had done since they were children, teasing and fond.

She lets it wash over her, _claim_ her, unravel her piece by piece.

And it is glorious.

Catra fucks her the same way she does everything else, with an intensity that makes her feel like she is _melting_ underneath the heat of it.

Adora has seen her like this when she paints. Nothing else exists around her when she is in the middle of creating something new. She regards her work with a single-minded focus that always takes Adora’s breath away. She has always been in awe of Catra’s ambition, her determination, the ferocity she pursues the things she wants. She has never settled for the word “no” in her entire life. 

And right now, Adora is the recipient of that ferocity. The single point of her interest.

Catra’s fingers continue to tease up and down her slit, slow and teasing, rubbing small circles around her clit but avoiding her entrance.

“What do you want sweet girl?” Catra asks, and it is unfair how Adora’s body reacts to the pet name, her back arching of the couch with a whine, pushing her pussy more into Catra’s hand in a silent plea for more more more. Catra doesn’t give though, still rubbing those same languid circles on her clit and dipping down to tease where Adora wants her most.

“You.” Adora manages to breathe, her own voice sounds foreign to her breathy and desperate but she can’t help it and she’s way too far gone to be embarrassed now. She will beg if she has to, but she needs Catra inside of her now.

“You already have me, baby,” Catra responds smug and teasing.

“Inside, Catra, please fuck me. Please” Adora whines and Catra groans at that as she dips her fingers lower and lower gathering slick and then pushing two of her fingers slowly inside her. Adora is so wet and open from her first orgasm that there is no resistance and Adora could sob at how good it feels. She feels the walls of her pussy grip Catra’s fingers tighter as Catra starts to thrust into her with intent.

“You sound so pretty when you beg for me.” Catra whispers and Adora can only whimper at that. 

Catra’s voice has always done things to Adora. It is raspy and low and sexy without trying but in this new context, it is _deadly_ . Adora would be willing to do anything to hear Catra continue to talk to her like this. Commanding and low and full of raw desire. Desire for _her_.

She sets a steady space watching for Adora’s reactions to see which speeds or pressure make her body react more and it isn’t long until Catra is thrusting into her with long firm strokes that have Adora’s eyes rolling into the back of her head. It is almost too much. Nothing has ever felt this good. She can feel every detail of Catra’s fingers inside of her. It is unfair how good at this she already is. She seems to know Adora’s body instinctively and what should be awkward or at least just good for a first time is mind-blowing. They were made to do this with each other.

The praise Catra gives her freely soothes some part of her and quiets the voice in her head that is constant with its criticisms. Every “good girl” and “you’re doing so well for me” and “you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen” shuts up the part of her brain that is never quiet.

Her entire body is tense and straining with the almost of her release. Her back arches with the intensity of it, how close she is, how badly she wants to let go but for some reason _can’t_.

Catra senses it and keeps her strokes even only changing the position of her hand slightly so more of her palm can hit Adora’s clit.

“Don’t fight it, baby. You can let go. I’ve got you. It’s safe. Don’t fight it pretty girl you deserve it.” Catra breathes and those are the words that snap the tension and sends Adora flying off the ledge of release. All she can see is white as she comes. She doesn’t even know if she makes any sound but she’s pretty sure she must because when she can finally make out the outline of Catra’s face, one blue and one amber eye fixed on hers, her throat feels hoarse.

She doesn’t know why it happens but when she finally meets Catra’s gaze, smoldering and fond, she bursts into tears.

Her entire body is wracked with sobs and when she tries to quiet herself more tiny wet hiccups escape her throat. She can’t stop and she crumples into herself. She wants to rush to explain but she doesn’t understand the reaction herself. She is happy. Happier than she has ever been in her entire life but is so much, and she doesn’t deserve any of it.

Catra is a flurry of motion, pulling Adora’s hands away from her face for the second time tonight, the panic in her voice clear.

“Adora, Princess, what’s wrong?” She whispers and Adora shakes her head. This is so stupid. She is so stupid. She tries to make a sound but nothing comes out except for more choked wet sounds. Catra seems to understand that she is incapable of words right now and instead pulls her into her arms.

“Shh, whatever it is it’s okay Adora. We’re okay. It’s all okay” She comforts and Adora can only nod at that. It’s enough to slow the spiral she is in the middle of to make sense of her thoughts and finally say something.

“I never would have told you,” Adora says, lip quivering. Saying it triggers a new round of tears spilling hot down her face. The guilt is suffocating and as much as she wishes it wasn’t true, it is. Catra has always loved her so she made a plan. Of course, she had because Catra was brave. Catra had always been brave.

Catra packed her bags the night before she turned 18 and was gone before the sun rose. And when Sharon had called her Catra hadn’t even let her get a word in. She told her to never talk to her again, she had screamed at her letting out years of rage and vitriol. _She stood up for herself_.

Adora had never managed to do the same. The last time she had seen Hope was uneventful. She had still thought Adora was coming home for Christmas. And when she didn’t, she turned off her phone to avoid her calls and learned further into Catra’s side as they watched Glimmer and Bow try and fail to make a fire in Glimmer’s enormous living room, the sounds of Angella humming from the kitchen surrounding them. 

She had never gone back home. She and Catra even had their own stockings on the mantle of the Moon’s fireplace now. She hadn’t answered any of her calls but she never could bring herself to block her. She still read every text message despite Catra’s urging. She still managed to control her without ever saying a word.

Adora had never stood up for herself in her life. She had always just done what everyone wanted her to do and be who everyone wanted her to be. She would’ve deprived them both of this slow new magic had it been left up to her.

“What?” Catra asks, confused but still reaching up to cup Adora’s cheek. Her palm is cool against the heat of Adora’s flushed face and she can’t help but lean into the touch.

“I never planned to tell you Catra. I have loved you our whole lives, and if you had never asked, I would never have told you the truth.” She manages, ashamed and sick to her stomach all over again. She waits for Catra to be angry, but Catra’s face is unchanging.

“So? It’s okay baby.” Catra says her voice still soft, her thumb rubbing circles against her face so tenderly it makes Adora’s head spin. Her affection is obvious now, bathing Adora in warmth. She wonders if it was always this obvious and she had just missed it, too busy hating herself to notice.

“It’s not okay. I lied. I was going to continuing lying.” Adora says and Catra shakes her head at that.

“No, you didn’t. I asked you and you could’ve lied but you didn’t.” Catra says so reverent and full of love that even though Adora’s tears have finally slowed she has the urge to cry all over again. How would she ever deserve this kind of love?

“I wanted to. I’m not—you’ve always been brave and I—” Catra shakes her head again, cupping both of her cheeks now, forcing Adora to meet her gaze. 

“But you didn’t Adora. You were brave. You _are_ brave. You always have been.” Catra says fiercely and Adora knows she means it. She doesn’t know if it's true, but it’s enough that Catra thinks so. Adora nods at that, finally smiling a little.

“I love you.” She says and Catra meets her smile, big and bright.

“I love you too.” She returns

“Our whole lives,” Adora whispers.

“Our whole lives.” Catra echoes.

“I know it seems stupid to ask after everything. But are we…?” Adora starts embarrassed but they didn’t talk about it. It’s pretty obvious they’re not just _friends_ but they hadn’t really discussed the specifics of what they were.

“Together? Girlfriends?” Catra finishes amused. Adora flushes but nods.

“Yeah, you can be my girlfriend Princess.” Catra returns and Adora can’t help the smile that takes over her face. Catra laughs but it is fond, and she can’t stop smiling either.

They lay there for a while until both of their arms fall asleep and they finally make their way back to their bedroom. Adora can’t believe they confessed their love and had sex for the first time on an IKEA couch they bought off Facebook Marketplace.

“Shower?” Catra asks and Adora nods at that and goes to grab the towels.

They don’t do anything more in the shower, but their hands linger over each other's skin. Adora washes Catra’s hair, taking time with each curl as she rakes conditioner through her hair. When Catra is under the spray rinsing, she looks up at Adora from wet lashes. Blue and amber eyes meet Adora’s and they seem to glow through the steam. _I love you_ they say. Adora smiles _I love you_ she echos. No more words are needed. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm proud of myself for literally just posting this because like I said, this is the first fic of mine to ever see the light of day. I hope you liked it! This was supposed to be a one shot but tbh I might add more because I love this universe and am a simp for soft Catra. I really want to explore more of Adora's feelings too so we'll see. Thanks for stopping by! If you want you can follow me on twitter @catradorabrnrot where I scream some more about SPOP.


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